Something we say a lot is that your values should be working for you, rather than you working for them. It’s a small shift in thinking but it changes a lot, and humility is a good example of values working for you versus the opposite.
Wanting to be humble is brilliant. Nobody’s arguing against it. But if humility is stopping you from promoting your work, or keeping your research from the people you set out to help, it’s worth reviewing how much room you’re giving it. We wrote a bit more about this in how humility and self-promotion can undermine each other, and it comes up often with the people we work with. PhD students in particular get years of training in spotting shortcomings and very little in noticing what they’ve actually achieved.
A simple way to practise noticing your wins
One idea that fits neatly here is what’s been called a ‘Remarkable Group’. It’s just a place on your phone, a folder or a chat, where you post anything that makes you feel a little bit remarkable. Delivered your first seminar? Take a picture. Got a paper accepted? Screenshot the acceptance. Did something thoughtful for someone you care about? Snap it.
The group is private, either just for you or shared with one trusted person. That matters, because it gives you somewhere to practise noticing your own wins without it feeling like showing off. Over time it builds a different habit than the one most of us are trained into, which is scanning for what’s wrong rather than what’s gone right.
If you notice a value like humility, or fairness, or hard work, quietly getting in your own way, that’s often worth exploring properly. We help people work through exactly this kind of thing in coaching.
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