Hypothetical mind reading is a phrase we use a lot in coaching sessions, and it describes something we see constantly with the people we work with. Someone is holding back from applying for a role, pitching an idea, or putting their work out there, and when we ask why, the answer is some version of what people might think.
So we ask who that someone is. Almost always, there isn’t anyone. No named colleague, no specific critic, just a vague sense that judgement is out there waiting. The decision is being shaped by a person who doesn’t exist.
The test we use with clients
Here’s the check we give people caught in this loop. Picture a friend doing the exact thing you’re worried about, whatever that is for you. Now imagine someone turning to them and saying, who do you think you are, who says you have a right to do that. You wouldn’t join in. You’d be defending them, telling them how brave they are for putting themselves out there at all.
If you wouldn’t let anyone say that to your friend, there’s no reason to let an imaginary critic say it to you. It’s a simple flip, but it’s useful precisely because it takes the judgement out of the abstract and puts it somewhere you can actually examine it.
This shows up especially around self-promotion, where the fear of being judged for sharing your own work can quietly override the fact that the work might help someone. We wrote about that tension a while back in a piece on how wanting to be humble can stop you sharing work that could actually help people, and hypothetical mind reading is often the mechanism underneath it.
If this is a pattern you recognise in yourself, it’s the kind of thing coaching can help you work through properly.
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